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Moneyharmony Gems

Money Harmony for Overspenders

• Practice the non-habitual (save, avoid spending binges, only shop with a non spender friend and a spending cap.)
• Seek ways to meet your deeper needs, instead of indulging yourself on the surface. (Ways that promote self-respect, creativity, growth, and self-love.)
• Avoid slippery places for you, (both physical and emotional places).
• Keep a spending diary to monitor your expenses - and your feelings about them: your changes.
• Reward yourself for new behaviors in ways that do not undermine your progress. (You can't overspend to reward yourself!)
• Seek help whenever necessary: D.A., money mentors, therapists comfortable with money conflicts and spending issues.

What a supportive partner can do to help

• Ways to communicate effectively and promote change and closeness
  • Open communication with a "warm start": Stress your partner's assets not their faults.
  • Remember that neither of you is perfect - share your own vulnerabilities and imperfections, too.
  • Use "I" messages; avoid judgments or attacks. Use language that makes you allies; Listen with respect and empathy.
  • Don't rush the communication process.
  • Don't use trustingly confided information against each other.
  • Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Expect temporary relapses, don't overreact to them.
  • Be patient in dealing with denial, shame, and temporary relapses.
  • Respond to your partner with mirroring, validation and empathy (Harville Hendrix' work) to indicate your full emotional support.
• Seven no-nos for caring partners
  • No angry explosions.
  • No scare tactics.
  • No threats of ultimatums.
  • No nasty accusations.
  • No guilt trips of sweeping criticisms.
  • No parental platitudes.
  • No one-upmanship.