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Moneyharmony Gems

Money Harmony for Overspenders

  • Practice the non-habitual (save, avoid spending binges, only shop with a non spender friend and a spending cap.)
  • Seek ways to meet your deeper needs, instead of indulging yourself on the surface. (Ways that promote self-respect, creativity, growth, and self-love.)
  • Avoid slippery places for you, (both physical and emotional places).
  • Keep a spending diary to monitor your expenses - and your feelings about them: your changes.
  • Reward yourself for new behaviors in ways that do not undermine your progress. (You can't overspend to reward yourself!)
  • Seek help whenever necessary: D.A., money mentors, therapists comfortable with money conflicts and spending issues.

What a supportive partner can do to help

  • Ways to communicate effectively and promote change and closeness
    • Open communication with a "warm start": Stress your partner's assets not their faults.
    • Remember that neither of you is perfect - share your own vulnerabilities and imperfections, too.
    • Use "I" messages; avoid judgments or attacks. Use language that makes you allies; Listen with respect and empathy.
    • Don't rush the communication process.
    • Don't use trustingly confided information against each other.
    • Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Expect temporary relapses, don't overreact to them.
    • Be patient in dealing with denial, shame, and temporary relapses.
    • Respond to your partner with mirroring, validation and empathy (Harville Hendrix' work) to indicate your full emotional support.
  • Seven no-nos for caring partners
    • No angry explosions.
    • No scare tactics.
    • No threats of ultimatums.
    • No nasty accusations.
    • No guilt trips of sweeping criticisms.
    • No parental platitudes.
    • No one-upmanship.