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Olivia Mellan
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Moneyharmony Gems

Polarization Patterns for Couples, Work Dyads, Family Dyads

"Mellan's Law" (others coined this termJ If opposites don't attract right off the bat - and they usually do - then they'll create each other eventually. So even if two people begin in similar positions or stances, they end up at opposing poles at some point. This happens to couples living together for a while - they don't have to be married. It also exists in work relationships (like "work marriages") and other habitual dyadic relationships.

So here are the common polarizations:

  • Hoarder vs. Spender
  • Money Worrier vs. Money Avoider
  • Planner vs. Dreamer
  • Money Monk vs. Money Amasser
  • Risk-taker vs. Risk-avoider
  • Money Merger vs. Money Separatist
  • Polarizing around different priorities.

What couples/dyads need to do to de-polarize:

  • Acknowledge secret envies and appreciations
  • Walk a half mile in partner's moccasins.
  • Reward themselves for new behaviors
  • Monitor their progress and their resistance, preferable in writing.

Communication Tips for Relationships:

  • Find a non-stressful time for moneytalks.
  • Start out with a positive appreciation.
  • Share thoughts and feelings first, about your money history, childhood messages and childhood vows.
  • No interruption; only respectful listening.
  • Share thoughts and feelings first; negotiation comes last, after thoughts and feelings are aired.
  • Do goal-setting separately, several times; then try to merge lists, using win-win problem-solving.
  • Only make a shared budget or "spending plan" after sharing feelings fully and mirroring them respectfully.