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Moneyharmony Gems

Creating Money Dialogues: Tools for Growth and Transformation

©Olivia Mellan, 2003

Since 1982, I have been helping individuals and couples achieve what I call money harmony, the ability to use your money to achieve some of your life's goals and to express your own integrity and your values -- to see money in proper perspective. The most powerful exercise I recommend to everyone to facilitate this awareness and movement toward balance is what I call a money dialogue. I invite you to try it -- it will heighten your self-awareness of the past, present and your positive future around money in facilitating your life goals. Ultimately, it will help you move toward money harmony.

Here's how it works: Imagine that Money is like a person with whom you've been having a lifelong relationship. Write out a conversation (or speak it into a tape recorder, or role-play it with a friend) about how the relationship is going. Either you start, and money responds, or vice versa. Continue the conversation until it winds down of its own accord.

Once it seems resolved (at least for now,) invite several "voices in your head" (that's your "internal commentary") to comment on the dialogue they've just heard. The first two voices should be your mother and father. Then add the voices of any other strong influences -- your spouse, your ex-spouse, a money mentor you've respected or feared, your minister or rabbi, a grandparent or godparent.

Finally, end the dialogue with commentary from the voice of God, your Higher Power, or your voice of inner wisdom. This voice will tell you where you need to go to heal and reach more balance. The way to hear these inner voices is to try to relax, and open your mind to your own intuitive impulses, and to your own imagination. Anyone can learn to do it with a little practice.

My Own Past Money Dialogue

As a "recovering overspender" here's one of the sample dialogues I Wrote, many years ago....

Money: You throw me around but you don't treat me with respect. What's your problem?

Olivia: I only feel happy and alive when I'm spending you. When I'm not spending you, I feel empty, deprived and depressed.

Money: That's only seeing a small part of what I can do for you. How about saving and investing me for your future? Why doesn't that get on the radar screen?

Olivia: I have no discipline, and feel a little like an impulsive kid. But I do want to try to start saving you for things that matter to me, like my kid's education, etc.

Money: Sounds like a good idea to me -- and about time, too. Just try to treat me with a little more respect.

Olivia: I'll try.

INTERNAL COMMENTARY

Mom: You were always a selfish, spoiled brat, insisting on getting everything you want in the moment. Grow up, will you?

Dad: You're perfect the way you are. I just wish your husband was wealthier, so you wouldn't have to set any limits, dear!

Voice of Higher Power/ Internal Wisdom/ God: Sorry your parents don't have the wisdom you need. But you are learning. You're out of debt, you take your husband's good advice about some major money decisions, and you're learning more about investing, and beginning to save for the future. Keep avoiding your "slippery places" and points of temptation, and get help and support from money mentors (like your husband, and some of your women friends), and you'll continue to move toward money harmony. If you keep doing the work to find true balance in your life, I will be with you every step of the way.

So that's it! If you take the time to do money dialogues once a week, or once month, your relationship with money will improve incrementally, and your money anxiety will decrease significantly. Try it -- you might really like it! And it might help you enjoy and track your own personal journey toward money harmony.